“Good Horn, Good Brakes, Good Luck”

This was the phrase all the tour guides told me I needed to know to understand driving in India. The best way I can describe the driving is really skilled drivers–with zero rules: 

Red lights and stop signs? Just a suggestion, plow through with horns blazing. I saw a crowded intersection with a police officer directing traffic, and my first thought was “they should get a stop light for this spot” and my second thought was “no people would blow through that, a live person in uniform might have more authority.”

Lanes? Just ride the middle of a lane and drift over to whichever one seems faster. Obviously this means the need to signal for lane changes is out since you’re already in the middle of two.  Instead just hit the horn and flash your brights.

Passing? Same idea as lane changes, hold your horn down as you go by a truck and flash those high beams. Even if traffic is locked up so tight there is no possible way anyone can move, you should lay on your horn and leave it going until traffic starts. Trucks even come with special labels on the back commanding you to “Blow Horn” because they will assume no one is near them if you don’t. Trucks themselves are equipped with custom horns, much like custom ring tones on cells. Imagine the horns of NYC and multiply that by oh, let’s say 1000 decibels.

Bikes and motorcycles? Back in the USA I usually try not to startle them and give them a wide berth in case they do something stupid and fall, but in India they get the old honk of the horn to get them to move and their tires tailed.

Pedestrians? Back in college I always thought it was chivalrous and endearing when my male Indian friends would help me cross the street. They’d soccer mom block me as if I was about to dart across the street and then guide me across with a hand at my back when it was safe. Well in India it was necessary. I kind of wanted someone holding my hand when I crossed the road because the basic rule was step out and see what happens. Speed up and slow down as necessary to avoid getting hit. I even saw people in dark clothing running across the main highway at night. It’s like a game of dodgeball–with your life.

Littering? Just chuck it out the window– my driver did.

Traffic jams? You know in the USA how there is always one guy riding the breakdown lane? Well in India that’s every guy. They don’t have a breakdown lane, but every car is driving on the divide of pavement and dirt to sneak around the trucks. Again horns are the only indication you are squeezing between two trucks. But my all time favorite traffic jam “short cut” (my driver’s words) was when we just crossed the median and drove on the left hand side of the opposite side of the highway. Why not if they had more room, right? Hell we even passed people on this side of the highway.

To think I was nervous from a little backing down one way streets to snag a parking spot in France. Despite all this, I only saw one accident my whole trip: a truck tipped sideways down a ditch in the median. He’d probably been trying to cross to avoid the traffic…It was good I only saw one accident since I didn’t see or hear a fire truck the entire trip. I did see one tiny ambulance though.

Here are some examples of all of the trucks with their brightly decorated messages on the back reminding drivers to USE THEIR HORN!

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